Falling in Love on the Road and the Wisdom of Bill Murray.
12 comments // Written by Stephen on May 28 2014 in Other, Poetry & Philosophy
As traveler and travel writer I get interviewed and asked a lot of repetitive questions. One of the questions that I get asked the most and one that so many travelers before me have written about is love.
How does a nomad find his soul mate? How can you fall in love if you are constantly traveling? Is it possible to live a travel lifestyle and have a long-term relationship?
Well, I guess this is my two cents. There is no formula to love. It happens when it is ready to happen, when and where does not matter and you have no ability to control it. I think if you are truly nomadic, traveling might be the best way to find your soul mate. Where else are you going to find someone that shares the same passion for adventure as you, someone that can relate to your same life altering experiences?
On the flip-side, in the past I’ve taken breaks from traveling for a long-term relationship. But it’s about mindset. When I met someone and was in a relationship the idea of being in one spot with her was more attractive to me than traveling the world, for that moment at least. Now, that is not to say you can’t have both with someone, I have many friends that live nomadically with the people they love and they’re my heroes.
That being said, you must take into consideration the travel mindset. Travel is about impermanence, a lot of people are roaming the world because they don’t want to be in one space for too long and they are trying to discover something possibly more meaningful or exciting in life.
Too many people approach love as an idea of possession and permanence, that it will last forever, that it takes time, that it can’t happen suddenly, that anything short of a long term relationship and long term investment is just passion.
When I focus only on the big life, I have focused on a big lie, and have chosen to ignore all the little lives I encounter everyday. The biggest mistake most people make is the idea that love is meant to be forever, when almost all evidence has shown us otherwise, and in our delusion we have refused to see any other option but.
The main protagonist in one of my favorite books The Alchemist reaches a similar crossroads. He falls in love with a desert girl, but can’t stay with her because his journey is not complete; his destiny has not been fulfilled. And he realizes staring across the desert he has “to deal with the concept of love as distinct from possession.”
While traveling you maybe have a day with someone you meet. There exist options at every moment, that there is love lurking for possibly a minute, or a glance, or a night everywhere, and it is not it’s permanence that should be our focus, but rather the simple chance that it could ever happen, even if just for a moment. Most people just lack the skill of enjoying the impermanence and the complex simplicity of that finite moment. That’s a great way to live life, to fall in love with it everyday.
Bill Murray recently gave an impromptu speech about the matter of travel, love and marriage. I leave you with his oracle like words of wisdom because I think he says it best:
“If you have someone you think is the one, don’t just sort of think in your ordinary mind, think ‘Okay, let’s make a date, let’s plan this and make a party and get married.’ Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. If when you come back to JFK [airport], when you land in JFK and you are still in love with that person, get married at the airport!”
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Britany
I’m about to embark on yet another long term trip so OF COURSE, I also recently met someone really great. Luckily, he’s into this whole mobility thing, and can work from the road as well, so we’re planning on meeting up several times along my route. It will be difficult, and who knows what will happen further down the line, but I’m ready to make time for someone on my travels, especially if that person can keep up with, which I’m pretty sure he can.
Shameless Traveler
Britany, that’s awesome to hear! Good luck with your man on the road!
Mary Calculated Traveller
Unfortunately, your video is no longer active. I would have loved to see what Bill Murray had to say…
You make an interesting point of love and travelling. I have a recently divorced friend who was using online dating sites. He loves to travel and kept looking for women who said they also loved to travel. Yet, once they start dating - they never wanted to go anywhere or they just wanted to go to an all-inclusive which to him isn’t truly travelling…..and so, for him the search continues…
Shameless Traveler
Mary, yeah I think a lot of travelers wished online dating was the simple answer, but sadly you never really know someone until you’re in the heat of the adventure. I fixed the video, they keep taking it down for some reason, but I wish your buddy luck!
Megan Kennedy
Unfortunately, the video isn’t working but I enjoyed this post. Falling in love and travelling is an interesting topic.
Shameless Traveler
Megan, I fixed the video! I think they keep removing it from youtube for copyright or to annoy the bejesus out of me, I’m not sure yet, but this is the 4th time I’ve replaced it. Thanks for the feedback!
Vanessa
When my husband and I were travelling in Myanmar, we did a 20 hour overnight train from Bagan to Yangon. Our misery and inability to make the time pass led to some pretty unusual scenarios, including the ‘game’ of whether adding a certain friend to our compartment would make the train ride more tolerable or if we’d have to throw them off the moving train to make it through the night! (Sorry, friends! Some of you theoretically survived). It was such a horrible experience that I now call it the marriage train. If you are in any doubt about whether you should get married or stay married, take this train. One night of travel misery will make or break any relationship!
Shameless Traveler
Vanessa! Haha! That is awesome, well congratulations on not throwing your husband from the train, that is definitely stellar advice!
Bev
Love Bill Murray! Great advice. Airport chapels may need to get bigger spaces.
Shameless Traveler
Bev, they for sure need bigger chapels. Maybe with the Rev. Bill Murray to officiate? Could work.
Aggy
I love that message from Bill Murray! It is so true that travel is the perfect test for a relationship. I love to travel and I can say for now that I love it more than being tight in a relationship in one place…though it might change!
Shameless Traveler
It is indeed the perfect test. Ha, loving travel is also a match made in heaven! Safe travels!